The first time I saw a picture of Caravaggio’s painting of “Doubting Thomas, I was surprised at my reaction to it. I felt tender. I have never been a fan of paintings or pictures of Jesus. It probably has something to do with being raised Jewish and all of the admonitions against graven images. I was taking a spiritual formation class and was asked to look at the painting and write about what I see and feel.
As much as I feel that I am in touch with my heart; I initially went to my thoughts about the painting. I have never doubted Jesus’ virgin birth, His death on the cross or His resurrection, I am not like poor Thomas. However, as I looked at my heart, I was reminded of all the times when I get anxious or afraid and instead of trusting God, I attempt to take control. That is when, like Thomas, my disbelief, is exposed.
One of the things that a painting like this has done for me is allowed me to use my imagination and put myself in the scene. I can’t count how many times that I’ve read John 20:27. This is where Jesus says to Thomas, “put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” I always pictured a stern expression on Jesus’ face. As I looked at the painting I noticed the tender look Caravaggio painted on Jesus’ face. That tender expression is more consistent with how I have connected with Jesus.
Actually, the stern face was on me. I have been hard on myself when my anxiety and disbelief show up. I believe the gift of this painting was to think about how Jesus looks at me when I am stuck in my fears. I noticed that Caravaggio painted Jesus’ hand gently guiding Thomas’ hand into the wound in His side. The scene speaks to me of God’s grace and patience with me. It’s as if, when I am anxious and seeking to try and control a situation that Jesus tenderly says to me, “here Steve put your finger in my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
His grace and tenderness towards me melts me.
0 Comments